I have the very best.

It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself and wallow in self pity. It's like a self comforting technique. Especially when you don't feel well or like everything in your life is going wrong. It's so easy to just close up and shut everyone out. You can still wave and smile and seem perfectly normal, yet inside your mind is turmoil and a wreck of untrue, exaggerated and embellished thoughts and emotions that have no validity. And while you know that most of the things you are feeling are invalid, there is a sense of comfort in entertaining them and allowing your mind to wander down endless paths of thought that merely end up giving you more pain, fear and anxiety, despite the fact that the likelihood of said circumstances coming into fruition are highly unlikely.

Even from a young age we allow ourselves to close up and embrace self pity. When we are chastised or don't get what we want. So by the time we are grown-ups, we are very good at going to that secret dark place and allowing scary ideas to wash over us.

Yet, while the smallest thing can send us spiralling into darkness, a seemingly small, and what some may perceive as being an insignificant act, can drag you unflinchingly back into the light. It can chase away the dark thoughts that you had sought to comfort you and remind you that you don't need lies and sadness, but love and friendship.

God sees all our thoughts. And he knows exactly what we need to hear and when the hand of compassion and kindness needs to be extended.Sometimes we need a harsh reminder to remove us from the realm of self-pity. But equally, we sometimes need a gentle push, a loving nudge, someone to take our hand and lead us out through the tangle of sore thoughts that we had no idea were so strongly wrapped around us. Once we are out, we realise just how close we may have been to drowning. And the relief is immense.

Today, I pulled out of my self pity. someone took me by the hand and led me out. Whether she saw I was in emotional pain or not, she led me out, and I am ever so grateful. I love her so much. She means the world to me, and I sometimes wonder where I would be without the special people that God has allowed into my life over the past year. They are truly unique and sweet, and I cannot imagine living without them.

Traversing the world to find....

I have never had many friends growing up. It was just a fact of life for me. And occasionally it would irk me greatly, and I would cry because I was lonely. I wanted to have big, exciting Birthday parties with lots of girls my own age. And I wanted someone to go the the movies with, and have coffee dates with, and go shopping with. And you know how in the movies friends would spend hours on the phone with each other talking about everything and nothing? I wanted to do that too!

My 'friends' tended to hang out with me for a few weeks and then someone newer and more interesting came along, and I was dropped like a hot potato. But to be honest I kinda got used to this. And I didn't really expect anything else from people in general.


When I left England in August, there was only really four people I said 'goodbye' to as close friends. Only those four who made an effort to come and spend time with me before I left.

But, since my first semester at Bible college I have a huge circle of new friends. People who care about me, and love me. Ask me how I am and if they can help me with anything. They travel to come and see me. We go shopping, we go to Starbucks, the cinema, ice skating, everything!!

But I had to wait to meet these people. I had to wait nineteen years, and travel six thousand miles across the Atlantic.

Patience is a virtue.

There are certain people I have met in the last six months who I can't imagine living without now. There was an instant connection with them. I love them greatly, and I know that they love me too. It's not a one sided relationship. I have had so many of those, I had just about given up on friends. I was pretty self-sufficient. But now I have a whole list of people who would all jump at the chance to hang out with me.

I feel loved. I feel happy.

 I hope that if anyone else has experienced this that they won't give up, yet. But keep waiting. Please?