Friday, May 10, 2013

When I grow up....

When we are children one of the things we enjoy is planning what we shall do when we are older. There is such a vast multitude of things that we cannot do until we are older, wiser and more mature. Planning life as a grown up seems so exciting an interesting. Like deciding what kind of car we want, and what we want to eat and drink, where we want to go, and what we want to do.
Yet time passes us by so fast, and before you realise it you are a grown up, yet, you realise that you have done nothing you intended to, nor do you have what you want.
Life after childhood is so very different to what we think it will be. From the perspective of a child life can seem so very easy as a grown up. People listen to you, and you always have money, a car, a house, anything you need, you can just whip out a plastic card from your wallet and purchase anything your heart desires.

But growing up creeps up on you. And one day you look back and are shocked to discover that while you were so busy trying to sort through your life, you have gown up. Yet it didn't happen how you expected it to.

There is a sudden realisation that your life turned out so completely unlike how your expected it to that you didn't even notice yourself changing and the different manner in which people are now treating you. You have practically nothing even like what you thought you would have or do.

You can find yourself far from what you thought was home. You discover that everything you thought was stable and constant can crumble and disintegrate. But you hardly noticed. You had so much to worry about and plan out and that plastic card that lets you buy all you want is not as magical as you thought as a child.

Growing up can be hard. And sometimes you find yourself saying, 'when I grow up I shall..........' and then it dawns on you; what you really mean is 'one day I should like to.....'
You think you can do anything and everything when you grow up, that is the perspective of a child.

I still say 'when I grow', I haven't got used to this idea that I am a grown up, I am of the next generation. But I still feel like a child, and all those childish dreams and wishes are long gone and seemingly impossible, and highly unlikely to occur.

I do not have that car, nor that house, nor that house, or job, or even the life that my childish mind concocted. I am somewhere I never imagined I would ever be or even could be. And my life seems so uncertain. I have left practically everything behind me. And looking at how different lie ends up being makes you wonder what could possibly happen next. Everything is so very different. Nothing is as simple. How wonderful that we are given a childhood in which life can be simple and straightforward. But how exciting it can be to grow up and see where you end up.




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