Avoiding pain

I've come to notice a pattern in myself that I find rather curious. And slightly concerning. I prefer not to make friends because I'm afraid of saying 'goodbye'. I don't like the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realise that that is it; I may never see you again. And it hurts so much to invest so much into someone and to then be cruelly torn apart.
I prefer the pain of loneliness and separation from people to the pain of goodbyes. I would rather not interact than to have to say 'goodbye'.
Is this really the better option? I fear that I will always walk that path though.

I even anticipate it though. When I sense that a relationship will be short I hold back and don't invest as much as I could. Or even as much as I would like to. Something holds me back. And I find a trail of superficial relationships, that were truly created to fill a moment of time.

I know that people will move on, and I know it will hurt to see them leave and so I keep myself clear of the emotional trauma that will follow.

Is this a safe and boring way to live? How much do I miss out on? I feel like I miss a lot, yet I am not ready to brave it out there. Maybe one day I will.

A summer in service

So after I got back from California, I slipped quickly into a heaven sent job in terms of location and amount of work available. I spent the first few months of the year stressing ever so slightly over whether or not someone would want to employ me for such a short time period, and stressing over whether I would have enough money at the end of the summer to pay for everything in order to get back to college. And amazingly, God had everything in control, and in retrospect I look fairly foolish. I could in no way have predicted what happened.

And now I am well and truly settling in for a crazy, busy summer at an up market hotel as a food and beverage assistant. Which I don't find as stressful a job as I thought I would. In fact I rather like it. I don't mind the small irritating tasks that must be done every single day. And scrubbing the floor during a deep clean. Doubtless these things will become annoying eventually. But just now I am so grateful, and I am immensely enjoying the fact that I am earning my own money, and in a way contributing to society. Also I love kind of freedom and independence that it brings. And I excel at the opportunity to prove myself reliable and useful. There is nothing worse than feeling purposeless! And I hate to be idle, it grates on me, and this job certainly keeps me on my feet, rather literally.

The hotel is utterly beautiful too. I do remember feeling completely out of place and far out of my comfort zone when I was shown around on my first shift. Everything is so lavish and expensive. In comparison, I grew up on a farm of sorts. But I do so love to put on my smart work clothes and go to work. Is it strange to enjoy work so much? 

God leads, always...

I will never truly get used to the way God works. His ways are so intricate and it's incredible how such small things that seem so insignificant come together and result in something greater. Small decisions that seem throw away and spur of the moment come back around months later and you realise that they had a huge influence on where you now stand.

And if that wasn't amazing enough, God also divinely places you exactly where you need to be at exactly the right moment. Chance encounters are never accidental with God, he plans them all, but from where we're standing it just looks like a lucky coincidence.

We cannot see what lies ahead in our lives. Yet God knows the life of every single person on earth. Every single twist and turn, every single good or bad decision.

When I came back to England to find a summer job before I head back to college in August, I was convinced that no one would hire me for such a short period of time. And I was a little downcast, because I don't consider myself to be exactly swimming in hire-able skills. And I don't really ave any proper references as I've never had a proper job before. Needless to say I wasn't truly desperate to pop over to the local manor hotel and enquire about any vacancies. I did put it off for at least two days.
But when I did finally go down, with a hastily put together CV of sorts, I walked into the lobby at the same moment as the head of hospitality staff walked out of his office. And oddly enough, although I believed that the only vacancy was in housekeeping, he practically hired me on the spot on the basis of my availability and the fact that I have had a little training in hospitality over in California! He had me come in the very next evening for a trial shift, and even drove me home afterwards as we didn't get out of work until 1:20AM!!

This seemingly small and chance event has increased my trust in God just that little bit more, and I cannot tell you how silly I felt after fretting about finding a summer job for the last two months or so.

God is so good, and he knows what he's doing. I wish I trusted him more! But he is so graceful and he continues to love me even when my trust is weak.

A Mother's love

I saw an article posted on Facebook this week which rather intrigued me. It described how recent research has shown that the brain of a child who is raised without a Mother's love and is abused can be highly underdeveloped especially compared to the brains of his peers who grew up in stable homes with loving and doting parents.

 I find it curious that something so important as brain development is dependent on emotional stability. Mothers are so crucial to child development, and without them children can become emotionally scarred. Not to mention Mothers who abuse their children can cause so much damage to their children, which is oftentimes irreversible.

 The absence of a Mother and love can have as great an effect on children as a Mother who is always there and does everything she can for her children. 

Don't let society tell you that Motherhood is unimportant. We need an emotionally stable generation to take the lead

When I grow up....

When we are children one of the things we enjoy is planning what we shall do when we are older. There is such a vast multitude of things that we cannot do until we are older, wiser and more mature. Planning life as a grown up seems so exciting an interesting. Like deciding what kind of car we want, and what we want to eat and drink, where we want to go, and what we want to do.
Yet time passes us by so fast, and before you realise it you are a grown up, yet, you realise that you have done nothing you intended to, nor do you have what you want.
Life after childhood is so very different to what we think it will be. From the perspective of a child life can seem so very easy as a grown up. People listen to you, and you always have money, a car, a house, anything you need, you can just whip out a plastic card from your wallet and purchase anything your heart desires.

But growing up creeps up on you. And one day you look back and are shocked to discover that while you were so busy trying to sort through your life, you have gown up. Yet it didn't happen how you expected it to.

There is a sudden realisation that your life turned out so completely unlike how your expected it to that you didn't even notice yourself changing and the different manner in which people are now treating you. You have practically nothing even like what you thought you would have or do.

You can find yourself far from what you thought was home. You discover that everything you thought was stable and constant can crumble and disintegrate. But you hardly noticed. You had so much to worry about and plan out and that plastic card that lets you buy all you want is not as magical as you thought as a child.

Growing up can be hard. And sometimes you find yourself saying, 'when I grow up I shall..........' and then it dawns on you; what you really mean is 'one day I should like to.....'
You think you can do anything and everything when you grow up, that is the perspective of a child.

I still say 'when I grow', I haven't got used to this idea that I am a grown up, I am of the next generation. But I still feel like a child, and all those childish dreams and wishes are long gone and seemingly impossible, and highly unlikely to occur.

I do not have that car, nor that house, nor that house, or job, or even the life that my childish mind concocted. I am somewhere I never imagined I would ever be or even could be. And my life seems so uncertain. I have left practically everything behind me. And looking at how different lie ends up being makes you wonder what could possibly happen next. Everything is so very different. Nothing is as simple. How wonderful that we are given a childhood in which life can be simple and straightforward. But how exciting it can be to grow up and see where you end up.

 

Abortion; a response

I have always been pro-life. And abortion has always caused me much sadness, and to some extent anger too. Yet the whole concept of abortion was always somewhat hazy and unclear to me. I did  not know how or what took place in an abortion clinic. And as I believe it is naive and foolish to even in engage in a debate or argument about a topic of which you know little I decided to dig a little deeper and gain some insight into the subject.
So last week I watched some of the abortion procedure videos on Youtube. And let me tell you they were horrific! I can't even begin to describe the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and the tears that pricked at my eyes. The sight of tiny mangled bodies is both indescribably sad and traumatic.
But abortion itself has so many different aspects and everyone looks at it differently depending upon their experiences and indeed their emotions.
Personally I have no direct dealings with it. I hold to my belief that a child in the womb is as much of a person as I am or the woman carrying said child. However there has been such a huge push to convince the population that while still in the womb, babies have no human rights, or even, are human. This tiny human being, who is so very vulnerable and helpless is denied life and instead given over to death in such a horrendously painful.
People proffer a plethora of objections and arguments as to why abortion is acceptable, and try to reason why it is okay for people in certain situations. Just this last week, I was forced to consider my views, and work out my response to a multitude of these objections and arguments.

Abortion is used to remedy accidental pregnancies.  This surely has to be one of the very worst reasons to kill a child? When there are so many other ways to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, how can anyone possibly have an 'unwanted pregnancy'?

Another of the weaker arguments is that the pregnancy will kill the Mother. But these cases are so rare they would have to be judged separately, and with so many advances in modern medicine a solution that allowed both Mother and child to live could probably be reached.

The argument for abortion that I find the most enraging is the financial argument. The idea that because you cannot afford to have a baby, you kill it. I am sure that there are some cases where this is very true, however, is death truly better than a life below the poverty line? Especially in first world countries where the term 'poverty' is very liberally used. Personally I have grown up below and still do live below the poverty line which was set by the British government. However I do not feel deprived. I have lived a full life, and I am healthy. don't let the government tell you that you are financially incapable when children are starving in Africa. And if you truly cannot afford a child, why is adoption such a distasteful option?

There are so many couples that would love to adopt babies, for various reasons, the biggest one being that they cannot have their own. I have met many people who have adopted, or would like to adopt, or plan to adopt. Even here at college many of my own friends in their late teens and early twenties are hoping to adopt at least one child. So to say that no one wants to adopt or that giving up a child for adoption is cruel and heartless is just not true.
How is it less cruel and heartless to rip limb from limb and crush the skull of a fetus with life coursing through his veins in the second trimester of pregnancy. How could you allow something so vulnerable and helpless to be so painfully removed? No-body deserves that. Babies in the womb respond to sound, so surely they feel pain also? It would be considered a horrific crime to kill anyone by pulling them apart limb from limb, yet because a fetus cannot stand up for itself and depends upon someone else for life it is considered socially acceptable to kill it.And in fact belong ripped limb from limb was used as capital punishment for high treason in the Korean kingdom and in some parts of China.

The biggest controversial issue that surrounds abortion is that of post rape abortion. This is a very tender and sensitive area. Rape is a serious crime and the victim has to live with that for the rest of their lives. It is easy to see why abortion would appear to be the easiest and wisest option to go for. Especially when the victim is a young and girl. Yet, does one evil deed permit the second? Surely it  is possible to carry out the pregnancy to full term, have a C-section, and the baby whisked away for a couple who cannot have a child of their own. The biological Mother would never have to see the child, and the child would be raised in a home where it was loved and longed for?
There are stories of rape victims who became pregnant and chose not just to complete the pregnancy but kept the baby and raised it. One such girl I heard of  was the result of gang rape. She has no idea who her Father is, or even what ethnicity he is. Yet she thrived and was a scholarship student at Cambridge University. Sometimes good things can come from what seems so bleak and hopeless.

Women who have an unplanned pregnancy for whatever reason should not be ignorant of the horrific decision they have to make. To deny them that knowledge is not "pro choice" - it is to deny them an honest choice. So many younger girls go into abortion clinics and they have no idea what takes place. The medical profession likes to gloss things over and make everything seem okay. Women are so often taken advantage of, they are often forced by family, or boyfriends to have an abortion without understanding how the child is removed from the womb; this is not choice, this is being hemmed into a corner, this is no-choice. Unless you know all the options on hand and the magnitude of your decision you have no real choice. Don't be afraid to look for other alternatives.

UFC gym - Train different! A review.

So I signed myself and a friend up to take a free kickboxing class at the new UFC gym across the street from our college. To be really honest I had no idea what to expect. The most similar thing I had done prior to Wednesday night was Jillian Michaels' workout videos, and padwork at my karate club.

When it comes to working out I consider myself pretty tough and I have endurance. However I will say that most of my strength is in the legs, I like my long runs, bike rides, and etc. But when it comes to arms I am just a little bit lacking in the muscle department.

For those of you who do not know what UFC stands for, it refers to the Ultimate Fighting Championship. The gym franchise in question offer a variety of classes including kickboxing, Jujitsu, and boxing. Their classes promise to provide you with a complete workout including strengthening and toning while simultaneously building your endurance and general fitness level. They cater for all ages, from 5 years and up.

The facilities are clean and neat. Everything is laid out in a user friendly manner. The staff are very helpful and friendly, with your best interests at heart.

The class I took was an hour long kickboxing, which I was told would burn around 800 to 1000 calories! Now, I run 10 miles to burn 1000 calories normally, so I was pleasantly surprised to learn that that many calories could be burned doing something else for less time.

The warm up was gentle to begin with, however when the instructor asked us to do push ups in the warm up, I wondered what I had got myself into, and feared that I may be in over my head. Squats I love, push ups and I have a really bad relationship though. However once we were out of the warm up, which involved, plank, squats, burpees, bear crawl, spider crawl and various punchbag attacks, I was much more at ease. I pretty much just attacked a punchbag for 45 minutes.
I have never sweat so hard in a workout besides racing in extreme heats. I was dripping 5 minutes into the workout, but the whole atmosphere of the gym, the people around you and the instructors who do it with you keep you motivated, and that one hour I spent in class literally flew by.

The cool down was very much welcomed though. Gentle stretches and  sighs of relief.

Another important point is the music that they play; I liked it, but I am aware that it may not be to everyone elses taste. However I only really noticed it when I first walked in because an Imagine Dragons' song was playing. But I did get so caught up in my workout that I kind of tuned it out.

I felt so great after the class. However pretty much every single muscle from my waist up hurt for the next 24 hours! My legs were fine, but they weren't used all that much, but my arms, back and stomach muscles were a wreck! Be warned, hehe. But don't get me wrong it was completely worth it!

And all in all I was very impressed. However I think that the price is a little steep. At least for a poor college student it is steep.
But I would still highly recommend it!! Just remember to drink plenty of water! And be ready to kick butt, or get your butt kicked!

Worrying

I am a worrier. I like things to be organised and sorted. Alphabetised and codified. I like to know the plan, schedule and itinerary.

But guess what. That's not how God works. He works in ways that we can't possibly imagine. And very often he waits until the last minute. Which can be very nerve-racking for a worrier like myself.

I like to worry about the big things in life, and as if that wasn't stressful enough, I like to worry about all the little details too. Very often I find myself worrying about nothing but the little things because God has already taken care of the big things. He has provided for all the big things in my life for the next year; and so because it would be absolutely pointless to worry about that, I now worry about the smaller things. Even though in my head I know it is illogical, because why would God fix all the big things if he had no intention of working out all the small details too? 

I know God is great and that he will look after me, yet at the same time I am anxious. I worry because I do not know how everything will come about. And that scares me. 
God doesn't want us to worry. He wants us to trust in him. Our anxiety is proof that we do not trust in him. 

One of my favourite bible verses right now is 1 Peter 5v6-7.

And God will exalt you in due time, if you humble yourselves under his mighty hand by casting all your cares on him because he cares for you.

I have the very best.

It's so easy to feel sorry for yourself and wallow in self pity. It's like a self comforting technique. Especially when you don't feel well or like everything in your life is going wrong. It's so easy to just close up and shut everyone out. You can still wave and smile and seem perfectly normal, yet inside your mind is turmoil and a wreck of untrue, exaggerated and embellished thoughts and emotions that have no validity. And while you know that most of the things you are feeling are invalid, there is a sense of comfort in entertaining them and allowing your mind to wander down endless paths of thought that merely end up giving you more pain, fear and anxiety, despite the fact that the likelihood of said circumstances coming into fruition are highly unlikely.

Even from a young age we allow ourselves to close up and embrace self pity. When we are chastised or don't get what we want. So by the time we are grown-ups, we are very good at going to that secret dark place and allowing scary ideas to wash over us.

Yet, while the smallest thing can send us spiralling into darkness, a seemingly small, and what some may perceive as being an insignificant act, can drag you unflinchingly back into the light. It can chase away the dark thoughts that you had sought to comfort you and remind you that you don't need lies and sadness, but love and friendship.

God sees all our thoughts. And he knows exactly what we need to hear and when the hand of compassion and kindness needs to be extended.Sometimes we need a harsh reminder to remove us from the realm of self-pity. But equally, we sometimes need a gentle push, a loving nudge, someone to take our hand and lead us out through the tangle of sore thoughts that we had no idea were so strongly wrapped around us. Once we are out, we realise just how close we may have been to drowning. And the relief is immense.

Today, I pulled out of my self pity. someone took me by the hand and led me out. Whether she saw I was in emotional pain or not, she led me out, and I am ever so grateful. I love her so much. She means the world to me, and I sometimes wonder where I would be without the special people that God has allowed into my life over the past year. They are truly unique and sweet, and I cannot imagine living without them.

Words can be Poison

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." 

 I've always found this a curious thing to say. And in a way I understand what it is trying to say. But on the other hand, I find it a blatant lie. Maybe that is just who I am. And perhaps for others it is true. Words have no impact upon them.

But I find words can be the strongest form of pain another human being can inflict upon another. There are things that people have said to me that I will never be able to forget, no matter how hard I try to scrub those burning syllables from my mind they will forever be branded there. And you can get over them to a certain extent. But there will always be things that occur and remind you of them.

Words can lift you, or crush you. They can save and they can kill. They can rescue and condemn. They can make or break you. The right word at the right time can change the world. You have no idea how your words can affect someone. Words can convey every type of emotion. Love, hate, pain, contempt, respect, sorrow, melancholia, the list is endless.  

Be careful with your words. Think them through carefully.

Going back to pain

The last two years of my life have been the most emotional and painful of my entire life. And I know that I am not that advanced in years, so that statement may sound like an exaggeration; but it isn't. As hard and difficult as the last two years have been for me personally, it has been just as difficult, and even more painful for the rest of my family.

When I was offered the opportunity to leave my country and study at Bible college in California I was hesitant. I am a home-girl. I love being with my family, I have four brothers and sisters and was home-schooled. And I was not used to being away from them for extended periods of time. Before I flew out in August the longest I had been away from my Mum was seven days. But both my parents insisted that I had to go. Which I took as a green light to go.

In August that chance to go to college was an escape. And my family know that. When I got on that plane I left behind all the pain and hopelessness of the past twenty-four months. Instead I welcomed a different form of pain; home-sickness. But that lessens greatly with the use of facebook and Skype.

The pain of being away from my family is nothing compared to what was endured before that. I healed so much during my first semester at college. I am still very broken and bruised, and I have issues that are going to take a lot of time to work through. And there are many things that I will never ever be able to forget. But I know that I am far better than I was six months ago. 

Now that thing that scares me is going back. Going back to the place where my life was sucked out of me, where my life was burned to the ground. The place where my family was emotionally abused, and attacked. The place of utter hopelessness and depression. I got out. But my family are still there. And I am afraid that if I go back I will be haunted by those memories, and that I won't be able to face leaving them again if I do go back.

I am desperate to see my family. But I want to be as far away as possible from that place. I do not want to lapse back into the person I was, that person with open wounds and no desire to live.

Guilt also embraces me. I was set free, yet they remain to suffer. They have no way out yet. They have to live in that place, where everything reminds them of something that is painful.

And so I have to return to the place of pain. I just hope I am strong enough when the time comes around.

Traversing the world to find....

I have never had many friends growing up. It was just a fact of life for me. And occasionally it would irk me greatly, and I would cry because I was lonely. I wanted to have big, exciting Birthday parties with lots of girls my own age. And I wanted someone to go the the movies with, and have coffee dates with, and go shopping with. And you know how in the movies friends would spend hours on the phone with each other talking about everything and nothing? I wanted to do that too!

My 'friends' tended to hang out with me for a few weeks and then someone newer and more interesting came along, and I was dropped like a hot potato. But to be honest I kinda got used to this. And I didn't really expect anything else from people in general.


When I left England in August, there was only really four people I said 'goodbye' to as close friends. Only those four who made an effort to come and spend time with me before I left.

But, since my first semester at Bible college I have a huge circle of new friends. People who care about me, and love me. Ask me how I am and if they can help me with anything. They travel to come and see me. We go shopping, we go to Starbucks, the cinema, ice skating, everything!!

But I had to wait to meet these people. I had to wait nineteen years, and travel six thousand miles across the Atlantic.

Patience is a virtue.

There are certain people I have met in the last six months who I can't imagine living without now. There was an instant connection with them. I love them greatly, and I know that they love me too. It's not a one sided relationship. I have had so many of those, I had just about given up on friends. I was pretty self-sufficient. But now I have a whole list of people who would all jump at the chance to hang out with me.

I feel loved. I feel happy.

 I hope that if anyone else has experienced this that they won't give up, yet. But keep waiting. Please? 

Birthday on the beach

For the last nineteen years I have spent the majority of my Birthdays in cold, wet and sometimes icy conditions. Birthday celebrations were subject to change depending on the clemency of the weather. Sleepovers were cancelled at the very last minute due to ice on the roads. Cinema trips were postponed because of the sharp chill in the air.

However this year was not the same as the rest. I spent my twentieth Birthday in the dazzling sunshine. And I didn't have to wear a coat and thick boots. I wore a light cardigan and jeans with a rip in the knee.

I walked on the beach and went hunting for pretty seashells. And it was warm enough to eat a salad for dinner. I found a sand dollar on my Birthday.

And I wore my sunglasses.

I didn't walk around with dumb toes either.

Or a scarf and gloves.

I rode in a car with the windows down.

Birthdays in California are the very best.

What have I to miss?

One of the things that my Bible college pushes is missionary work. Now when I think of missionary work, or people who are missionaries, I think of people who live a life of discomfort and with great hardship. I always thought of it as something to be avoided. I really, really did not want to be a missionary. And of course all the guilt that comes with that. I felt a crushing guilt for the majority of the first half of my semester. Every time someone would stand up and talk about the work being down in far flung countries, and as we were being encouraged not to have any ties, anything to hold us in one place. To be ready and waiting for God  to call us to some country.

Three quarters of the way through the semester, a speaker stood up; and offered a more balanced view. Every Christian, no matter where they are, or what they do, is a missionary. The world is full of lost and needy people. You don't have to be in Africa or Russia, there are plenty of people to share with all around you.

My realisation was that I am free, and untied. I live out of two suitcases. My childhood bedroom is no more; it doubles as my youngest sister's room and my Dad's study. I have maybe three medium sized boxes of miscellaneous items, that are unnecessary and superfluous. I have no debilitating desire to return to my own country. The only thing that I miss is my family. But I do not miss places, or things. I am free to go wherever, and more importantly whenever. There is no great community of friends calling me back to a particular place. Life is unpredictable and seemingly to us, random. But God is in control and as I look back over my life I can see how everything that has occurred in my life has allowed me to be unrestrained. I am not one of those people who feels a deep sense of patriotism to the country of their origin. I feel no great belonging to a certain country or region.

Since August I have condensed my life down to two suitcases and have twice picked them up and moved on. I am ready to go anywhere. The feeling of lightness and ease of mobility is freeing and in a strange way joyous. Life is strange, but wonderful. And the lighter your suitcases, the easier and more enjoyable it is.

Thanksgiving in Phoenix

So tomorrow I will experience my very first American Thanksgiving. I am in Phoenix for this holiday. my second state, so that's only 48 more to see, hehe. I can't tell you how excited I am about pumpkin pie, sweet potato mash, cornbread, pecan pie, pumpkin bread, turkey and cranberry sauce, to name but a few of the things I have heard rumours of. 

I can't tell you how many years I have been desperate to try pumpkin pie. It's strange how we hear about certain things and can't forget about them ever. My American friends would post photos every year and I always longed for a slice of pumpkin pie. 

 Everyone has been amazing and is going all out to make sure that there is plenty of delicious gluten free fare for me.

And at this time I am feeling rather homesick too. We watched Brave today too, which made me even more homesick and I had to fight back those tears. 

I love my Mummy, and I love my Daddy, and all my siblings!! I love all my college friends, and my church family, and my family back in England!!

Meeting a cyber friend! And Jamba Juice!

So a couple of weeks back I had a pretty exciting Saturday.

Way back in 2008 I met three girls online. Now, I know that statement sounds slightly sketchy; please let me clarify it a bit. We came across them on Myspace, there was a funny video posted up and everyone was commenting on it, and well we all just became friends, and then Myspace became unfashionable, and we moved over to Facebook.

On Saturday the eighth of September I met one of these girls and her fiance as they travelled right past my college in California!
I can't tell you how exciting it was! It was also weird to meet someone who you feel like you've known your whole life, and constantly see status updates and photo updates for online.

They weren't able to stay long, but we had a great morning. AND they introduced me to Jamba juice!! I'm in love!

The glory of God

This morning by a seemingly natural course of events I wound up reading Isaiah 43 as my morning devotions. And more specifically verses one to seven. This chapter pretty much sums up why God created us. I mean why would God make us? We must have a purpose. God does nothing randomly like we may do, he is not led by impulse and whatever takes his fancy; Everything he does is carefully planned and apart of a far larger plan that he formed before the foundations of the earth were even laid.

Now, this is what the Lord says,

the one who created you, O Jacob,

and formed you, O Israel:

“Don’t be afraid, for I will protect you.

I call you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I am with you;

when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;

the flames will not harm you.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your deliverer.

I have handed over Egypt as a ransom price,

Ethiopia and Seba  in place of you.

Since you are precious and special in my sight, 

and I love you,

I will hand over people in place of you,

nations in place of your life.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

From the east I will bring your descendants;

from the west I will gather you.

I will say to the north, ‘Hand them over!’

and to the south, ‘Don’t hold any back!’

Bring my sons from distant lands,

and my daughters from the remote regions of the earth,

everyone who belongs to me,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed – yes, whom I made!

Isaiah 43v1-7

We are made in God's image. And an image is created in order to point back to the original. So we are to reflect, like a mirror, God's glory. Through what we do and say. We are to be like God, to imitate his attributes and live according to his will.

The world around us is spectacular! Think of all the billions of stars, or the Niagara falls, the green rolling landscape of New Zealand, the Northern lights, the oceans so deep they cannot be explored, or the simple everyday things such as sunrise and sunset, the sun and moon. Everything displays his might and majesty. We are apart of his creation. Are one purpose is to worship and glorify God. God doesn't need us, but he wanted to display his mercy and grace.

The Northern Lights.

He accomplishes this through his redemptive plan; through the crucifixion of his one and only son. This sacrifice reveals his faithfulness, love, grace and abounding mercy. Nothing that we truly deserve. God, the most holy one, owed us nothing, yet he did this for us. When we were nothing but dead in our transgressions.

China

God's ultimate glorification comes through the death of Jesus Christ upon the cross as a way for all those who believe in him, but repent of their sins will have eternal life. This act displays the grace that is literally lavished upon us. We have been given so much grace we are practically drowning in it. We did not deserve salvation, why do we so often think that God owes us?
This is God's world and he can do as he sees fit. We cannot demand from him, and insist he do what we want. We are not in control; he is.

This passage speaks primarily of the nation Israel, and how God will never abandon her, and how he has preserved her through so many hardships and difficulties. And even though this doesn't directly apply to Christians, we can draw encouragement and hope from this passage because it tells us why people were made. And it reminds us that even though we are fickle and break our promises to each other, God is always faithful and he never breaks his word. If we have been saved, he won't let us go.

I am here to display God's love and mercy. Are you?

Does your life reflect the salvation that you have received from Christ? Mine often doesn't, it is something I fail at daily.

Machu Pichu in Peru

The Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

A prayer request

I am normally fairly anonymous on my blog. I prefer to be unknown, however I have a big request of anyone who reads this.
My family is trying to save enough money in order for my Dad to study for his MDiv (Master of Divinity) at the Master's Seminary in LA, California.
We will need a not so small miracle to be able to move to California and to pay the tuition fees, getting a place at the Seminary was the easy part! 

I just want to ask for your prayers, they are deeply coveted right now. 

Check out the information page here,

 Supporting the Forsyth family through Seminary

Thank you =)

The Winco and Trader Joe's experience!

So, I've been in the US of A for over a month, and I had never been to Winco or Trader Joe's! How bad is that, right?! Pretty awful, especially for a complete foodie like myself. So a couple of nights ago I went with two friends to both Winco and Trader Joe's. And let me tell you, this country just gets better and better, and hasn't disappointed as yet.

Winco is so big and awesome! On the down note, I found out I had paid a lot more for my organic creamy peanut butter online, and left Winco with a very large jar of Adams crunchy peanut butter. When I see peanut butter, I get peanut butter. But anyway, they have these huge bins of nuts, granola, dried fruit, grains, seeds, everything!! They even had chili coated mango?! Yes! And you could buy chocolate by the pound. For the record, dark chocolate coated strawberries are divine. Fact.
And then they had fridges full of almond milk and, even better, coconut milk. Hmmmmmm, hmm.

But then we hopped back into the car and went to Trader Joe's. I guess it's like Wholefoods but a little cheaper. They have some amazing dark chocolate bars, imported from Belgium, naturally.

All this, and it wasn't even 7:30pm.

I was also introduced to organic peanut butter panda puffs! It is so lush! I had it in a mug with coconut milk. It's like that really unhealthy, too sweet golden nuggets cereal back in England, but a hundred times better. And um, eating cereal from a mug is so cool, go try it.
also what I love about this cereal is that it doesn't have bucket loads of sugar, which would give me a headache, it is sweetened with cane juice, which although not ideal is far better and healthier than what they could put in it.

So this was pretty much the highlight of my weekend; don't judge, you know you're jealous!

Letters from home

I got post this week. I was so excited to have a little brown envelope with a Royal mail stamp in the upper right hand side! Inside were three letters; one from each of my youngest siblings.

I was so happy! A letter is like your character bound up in ink. You can convey who you are through the words you choose. A letter is so personal and means so much. It's like sitting next to that person and having a conversation with them, albeit a one sided conversation.
Reading my three letters was like spending minutes with them, talking to them, enjoying their time. They took time out of their day to remember me, and took the effort to let me know that they missed and loved me. They love me enough to give up their time to make sure I don't feel forgotten and unloved.
The Atlantic ocean is vast, yet I feel the love of my siblings, trussed up in paper and ink. It's incredible how such small things bring happiness to one's heart and brightens everything around you.